


Incorrect Luthor Quotes

by scaryfangirl2001



Series: Correctly Stated Incorrections [2]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Andy Griffith Show - Freeform, Cary Grant impression, Deputy Clark Kent, F/F, False Accusations, Happy Days - Freeform, Lionel's in jail, M/M, Sheriff Lex Luthor, TV fusion, WordGirl - Freeform, leverage - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-06-26 20:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19776142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scaryfangirl2001/pseuds/scaryfangirl2001
Summary: Chapter 1: Superman, a boy with superpowers whose secret identity is Clark Kent, a student. Superman was born on the planet Krypton but was sent away after sneaking onto a spaceship and sleeping there when he was an infant.Chapter 2: Depicts the experiences and dilemmas of "innocent teenager" Clark Kent; his dad Jonathan, who owns a hardware store; traditional homemaker and mother Martha; and high school dropout, biker, and suave ladies' man Lex Luthor, who will eventually become Clark's best friend and the Kents' over the garage tenant.Chapter 3: Lex Luthor is a former insurance investigator and the leader of a team staging elaborate cons against wealthy and powerful individuals, on behalf of clients who have been wronged by them.Chapter 4: Sheriff Clark Kent has a level-headed approach to law enforcement in the sleepy, slow-paced Smallville, Kansas makes him the scourge of local moonshiners and out-of-town criminals, while his abilities to settle community problems with common-sense advice, mediation, and conciliation make him popular with his fellow citizens.





	1. Source: Wordgirl

**Author's Note:**

> In this chapter, Lex is a lot closer to Clark's age.

**Judge Ross **:** **Young man! Your performance in today’s competition was not authentic! You cheated! Which means you are disqualified! Therefore, the winner of the field day is-- Clark Kent!

****Superman:** **I’ll be sure Clark gets his grand prize markers. In fact, I’ll deliver them to him personally!

****Judge Ross:** (to Lex) **And as for you…

****Lex:** **Yes?

****Judge Ross:**** I think we’ll be telling your father about your behavior today!

****Lex:** **No-- please-- I’ll do whatever you want! Fifty push-ups! One hundred squat-thrusts! Just don’t tell Father!

*********************************************************************************************

**[Lex and his father pull up in their vehicle.]**

****Lionel:** **This is going to be an important trip for you, Lex because you’re going to learn to appreciate nature. And hopefully, grow out of this silly robot phase.

****Lex:** **Yes, Father. That would make sense, except that nature is a thing of the past! Technology and robots are--

****Lionel:** **_Lex_! No robots! I don’t want a repeat of what happened last summer at basketball camp!

**[#1 flashback scene from basketball camp. Pete is trying to play defense against one of Lex's robots, but it leaps over him and dunks the basket.**

**Lex exclaims,** “I win again!” **]**

****Lionel:** O**r two summers ago at baseball camp!

**[#2 flashback scene from baseball camp, showing Pete pitching to one of Lex's robots, which uses a telephone pole as a bat and sends the ball flying.**

**Lex exclaims,** “I win again.”

 **And Pete says,** “Aw, that was our last ball!” **]**

****Lionel:** **Or last, last, _last_ summer at drama camp!

**[#3 flashback scene from drama camp as Johnson dressed as Macbeth and holding a skull, exclaiming, “** To be or not to be, that is the question.”

 **The robot responds,** “My data indicates the answer is ‘to be’.”

 **Lex exclaims,** “I win again!”

 **Pete shouts,** “That doesn’t even make sense in this situation!” **]**

****Lionel:** **I mean it, Lex! No giant robots, end of story! You need to be more independent, and learn to do things on your own!

**[** **Lex is now standing outside the car talking to him.]**

****Lex:** **Okay Father, I promise. No giant robots!

**[Lionel drives off. Once he is gone, Lex ponders to himself.]**

****Lex:** **I didn’t say anything about _small_ robots that turn _into_ giant robots! Heh-heh-heh-heh!

**[** **He retrieves a small robot from his pocket and sets it on the ground. He presses a button on a remote, and the robot grows to giant size.]**

*********************************************************************************************

****Superman** : **Lex, what are you-- What are you wearing?

****Lex** : **Oh, this outfit? It's cruise-wear. Pretty spiffy, huh?

****Superman** : **Heh. Uh, well, it's--it's something. Is that your robot?

****Lex** : **Chronos! You were going to be my first mate!

****Superman** : **Your robot almost destroyed the whole city! ** **[Lex shrugs defeatedly]**** You know, for someone who calls himself "The World's most formidable boy genius," your plans seem to go awry a lot.

****Lex** : **Fine. I admit the robot didn't quite work as expected. I programmed him to stop time, but there must have been some glitch. All I wanted was to prolong summer. You know, forever?

****Superman** : **Prolong summer?

****Lex** : **Yes. If you don't know what prolong means I would happily define it for--

****Superman** : **Prolong means to increase or extend. So if you tried to prolong summer vacation it means you wanted it to last longer, and I can't blame you for that.

****Lex** : **You can't? You mean, you understand what I'm feeling?

****Superman** : **I-I guess I do.

****Lex** : **Since we're getting along so well perhaps you'd like to come by for a little game of shuffleboard.

****Superman** : **Wow, that sounds like a great time, but I've really got a lot to do. See you! 

**[he leaves]**

****Lex** : **Call me!

*********************************************************************************************

**Clark:** _(gasps)_ The first edition of Webster’s Dictionary from 1806!

**Lex:** Uh-- would you like to sit down and read with me?

**Clark:** I’d love to!

**Lex:** But no fair peeking and telling me how it ends! _(laughs at his own joke)_

**Clark:** But I already know. "Z".

**Lex:** er- Right. Was just a little joke.

**Clark:** _(_ **s** **nickers** _)_ Yeah, I knew that.

*********************************************************************************************

**Lex:** Well, uh, so much for my hunch. _(_ **they sit down** _)_ I am just _baffled_! Where oh where could that remote be? _(_ **sighs** _)_ Ah well, it is nice to take a break and look at my favorite painting.

**Clark:** That’s my favorite painting too! Something about it just speaks to me, you know?

**Lex:** Me too! It says…

(They both look at each other, and speak together)

**Clark and Lex:** ...Read!

**Lex:** Wow, Clark, I-- I never realized we have so much in common!

**Clark:** Neither did I.

*********************************************************************************************

_(_ **Scene: The Playground. Lex and Clark are on the see-saw, eating ice cream cones.** _)_

**Lex:** I was just so sure we’d find a clue here. This case is proving to be so--

_(_ **After a short pause, they both speak together once again.** _)_

**Clark and Lex:** \--Baffling!

**Lex:** I know, it’s just so--

**Clark:** \--Confusing!

**Lex:** Puzzling.

**Clark:** Unclear.

**Lex:** Wow, you understand me so well, Clark. It’s like we can finish each other's

**Clark:** Umm… Thoughts?

**Lex:** Exactly!


	2. Source: Happy Days

**Clark** : [about Lana] We played chess.

 **Lex** : You played with her chest?

************************************************************

**Clark** : All we had was some beer - in teeny-weeny glasses.

 **Chloe** : How many teeny-weeny glasses did you have?

 **Clark** : Seventy-two.

 **Chloe** : I think it's time for some teeny-weeny cups of coffee.

*************************************************************

**Clark** : You make school sound like good fun.

 **Lex** : Well, school's got good points. I mean, smoking in the bathroom, cutting classes, showing my tattoo to the chicks.

*************************************************************** **

**Martha** : What do you plan to do when you get out of college?

 **Lex** : Oh, I was thinking I might become a cop.

 **Martha** : That's very admirable.

 **Lex** : I mean, it's the only job I know where they pay you to drive a motorcycle.

*************************************************************

****Clark** : **You know, here we are, two able-bodied men with no money. Why?

 ** **Pete** :** Because we're lazy?

*************************************************************

**Martha** : What are you going to wear to Lex's costume party?

 **Clark** : I haven't decided yet.

 **Martha** : How about something like Donald Duck?

 **Clark** : Oh, Mom!

 **Martha** : What's wrong with Donald Duck?

 **Chloe** : It's hard to neck with a beak.

*************************************************************

****Whitney** : **Why did you let me kiss you if you didn't want to go steady?

 ** **Lex** : **Because whenever I study with boys, all they think about is how to kiss me. So, I give them one kiss, and then we can concentrate on the books. It's a study system.

*************************************************************

**Lex** : Like I always say, you live fast, you die young, you leave a good-looking corpse.

 **Clark:** Hey, that's cool.

 **Chloe** : Nick Romano said that in _[Knock on Any Door](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knock_on_Any_Door)_.

 **Lex** : I think I said it better.

*************************************************************

**Lex:** I went out with a girl like that once. Broke up with her in two and a half minutes.

 **Clark** : How did you do it?

 **Lex** : Well, I wrote a note and threw it through her window. Of course, it was wrapped in a brick.

*************************************************************** **

**Whitney** : She said she'd do something desperate.

 **Clark** : How desperate can you get in a ladies' room?

 **Whitney** : Do you know what's in a ladies' room?

 **Clark** : No, do you?

*************************************************************

**Pete** : Now, I'm desperate. Can't you set me up, Whitney?

 **Whitney** : Oh, sure. I got a great girl for you.

 **Pete** : Who?

 **Whitney** : Her name's Jodi.

 **Pete** : What if she has a date?

 **Whitney** : Who would date Jodi?

*************************************************************

**Martha** : What would we do without you, Lex?

 **Lex** **:** Well, you'd be up a creek, Mrs. K.

 **Clark** : Yeah, our car'd be stuck in the snow, our tree'd be out, and our Santa Claus would be mugging the neighbors.

*************************************************************

**Lex** : What is it you did last night?

 **Clark** : Do you wanna hear what really happened or the lie we're gonna tell everybody else?

 **Lex** : Start with the lie. It's probably more interesting.

*************************************************************

**Pete** : Who's the girl?

 **Clark** : Helen Bryce.

 **Pete** : The one with the terrific perfume? Oh, you've got good taste.

 **Clark** : Except she's Lex's girl, and I was supposed to be keeping the other guys away from her while he's gone.

 **Pete** : Good taste and bad judgment.

*************************************************************

**[Clark and Pete have to share a bed]**

**Pete** : If you snore, you're gonna get a pillow down your throat.

 **Clark** : Well, you'd better stay on your side of the bed.

 **Pete** : What's that supposed to mean?

 **Clark** : I don't know. That's what my mom tells my dad.

*************************************************************

**Martha** : Good morning, Clark. Would you like Corn Flakes for breakfast, dear?

 **Clark** : _[_ **clenches his teeth at his mother]** I never want Corn Flakes again. Oatmeal.

 **Martha** : Well, I thought you liked Corn Fla--

 **Clark** : **[slaps the table, then screams at her]** OATMEAL!!!!

 **Martha** : I'll make oatmeal. **[storms to grab a canister of "Quaker Oats" oatmeal, then looks at her son, shocked, with her hand to her heart]**

 **Jonathan** : **[shocked, then angry]** What kind of a way is that to talk to your mother?!

 **Clark** : _[_ **sweetly** _]_ Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. Corn Flakes are OK. You see, I tried out some of the advice that Lex gave me the other night. And he said that if you sound tough, people listen, and it works!

 **Jonathan** : Boy, I say! _[_ **to Martha, pointing to Clark]** This one yelling like King Kong! **[throws his napkin on the table and storms to the door]** Who could eat breakfast around here?! I'm going down to the store.

 **Martha** : You're going nowhere. Sit down! **[Jonathan sits right back down]** And start eating, Jon! All of you, EAT! **[smiles and has her thumb up]** And chalk one up for Lex.


	3. Source: Leverage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen the show "Leverage", Lex, Clark, Whitney, Chloe, and Pete are ex-criminals doing criminal things for the good of the people.

**Whitney** : This thing safe?

 **Chloe** : Yeah, it's completely safe… it's just you know, if you experience nausea, weakness in your right side, stroke, strokiness…

 **Whitney** : You're precisely why I work alone.

**************************************************************

  
**Lex** : Guys, listen up. We're going on my count, not a second sooner. Pete, no freelancing.

 **Whitney** : Hey, relax. We know what we're doin **'.**

 **Lex:** And on the count of five, four…

 **Chloe** : Aw, he doesn't want to be our pal.

 **Lex** : We're on the count! Five, four, three…

 **Pete** : [ **runs by and jumps over the side** ] Yahoooooo!

 **Whitney** : She's gone!

 **Lex** : Son of a—!

[ **After Pete runs by and jumps over the side of the building** ]

 **Whitney** : That's twenty pounds of crazy in a five-pound bag!

**************************************************************

  
**Chloe** : Going to plan B?

 **Lex** : Technically, that would be plan G.

 **Chloe** : How many plans do we have? Is there, like, a plan M?

 **Lex** : Yeah. Chloe dies in plan M.

 **Whitney** : I like plan M.

**************************************************************

  
**Whitney** : You want to run a game on this guy? You?

 **Lex** : Well, yeah. How do you think I got most of my stolen merchandise back? I mean, this guy, he's greedy, thinks he's smart; he's the best kind of mark.

 **Pete** : He does think he got rid of us.

 **Chloe** : Element of surprise.

 **Whitney** : What's in it for me?

 **Lex** : Payback. And if it goes right, a lot of money.

 **Pete** : And what's in it for me?

 **Lex** : A lot of money. And if it goes right, payback. Chloe?

 **Chloe** : I, I was just going to send a thousand porno magazines to his office, but hell yeah, let's kick him up!

 **Whitney** : [t **o Lex** ] What's in it for you?

 **Lex** : …He used my brother.

[ **long pause** ]

 **Lex** : All right, let's go get Clark.

 **Whitney** : What the hell's a Clark?

**************************************************************

  
[ **the team gets their first look at Clark's acting "skills"** ]

 **Chloe** : He's awful.

 **Pete** : Is he injured? In the head?

 **Whitney** : Seriously, man, he is the worst actor I've ever seen.

 **Lex** : This is not his stage.

[ **Later, they watch Clark effortlessly con a mark** ]

 **Chloe** : [ **surprised** ] He's not awful.

 **Lex** : This is his stage. Clark Kent is the finest actor you've ever seen…when he's breaking the law.

**************************************************************

  
[ **Chloe introducing the others to the central room of Leverage Consulting and Associates** ]

 **Chloe** : Long version or the short version?

 **Clark** : Short.

 **Whitney** : Short version

 **Pete** : Shortest.

 **Chloe** : Photo and video forensics programs, back doors into every electronic banking system in the world, running heuristic datacrawlers all over the news sites to find our clients. Oh, also—

 **Pete** : This is the short version?

**************************************************************

  
**Chloe** : What I did before, nobody got hurt.

 **Clark** : I stole paintings.

 **Pete** : I never hurt anybody, either.

[ **They all look at Whitney** ]

 **Whitney** : I actually hurt people, so…

**************************************************************

  
**Clark** : I'm staying.

 **Lex** : I'm sorry, you're…you're what?

 **Clark** : I'm staying.

 **Lex** : You're staying? Clark, Clark, it's the Butcher of Kiev.

 **Chloe** : Have you ever been to Kiev? The cake-maker of Kiev would whoop all our asses. This is the Butcher.

**************************************************************

[ **Lex walks in on the aftermath of a fight** ]

 **Lex** : Did you just kill a guy with an appetizer?

 **Whitney** : I dunno. Maybe.

**************************************************************

**[During the briefing]**

**Clark** : Are you drunk?

 **Lex** : Technically, no. I was drunk a couple of hours ago. Now I'm just hungover.

**************************************************************

**[After catching Pete when he jumps out of a window]**

**Whitney** : How about a little warning next time? How'd you even know I'd be there?

 **Pete** : I didn't.

**************************************************************

**Lex** : We're going with a much bigger scam. One of the classics.

 **Pete** : The "London Spank"?

 **Chloe** : The "Genevan Paso Doblé"?

 **Whitney** : The "Apple Pie"?

**[everyone stares at him in confusion]**

**Whitney** : It's like The "Cherry Pie", but with lifeguards.

 **Clark** : [ **savoring the thought** ] Ooh.

 **Lex** : [ **announcing the actual one they'll be doing** ] The "Glengarry Glen Death". It's like mutual fund, but instead of stocks you invest in, in death.

[ **Walks out to the balcony** ]

 **Pete** : Is it me or is he getting creepier?

**************************************************************

  
**Chloe** : [ **after losing to Whitney twice in Rock, Paper, Scissors** ] How do you do that?

 **Whitney** : You have a tell.

 **Chloe** : I—I have a tell…

 **Whitney** : Yeah.

 **Chloe** : In Rock, Paper, Scissors…

 **Whitney** : Yeah. Go!

**************************************************************

**Lex** : Can we give [Pete] a fake tumor?

 **Chloe** : Oh, we could inject his brain with some contrast dye and have it pool into her cranial cavity, but there might be some side effects.

 **Pete** : Like what?

 **Chloe** : Organ failure, death, death-like symptoms.

 **Pete** : I vote for plan B.

**************************************************************

**Lex** : Somebody find me a brain.

 **Pete** : Oh, yeah, he's definitely getting creepier.

**************************************************************

  
[ **Pete is posing as a flight attendant after stealing a bag from the original woman assigned to the flight.** ]

 **Clark** : [ **To Lex and Whitney** ] How did you both know there'd be an extra uniform in the bag?

 **Lex** : Everyone knows flight attendants are required to carry extra uniforms in case they get called to work unexpectedly.

 **Whitney** : Or if something happens to the one they're already wearing.

 **Clark** : How does everyone know that?

[ **In unison]**

 **Lex** : Worked airport security.

 **Whitney** : Slept with a flight attendant.

**************************************************************

**Pete** : [ **as a flight attendant, speaking before takeoff** ] In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. But let's face it, if this thing goes down in the water, more than likely, the impact will kill you.

[ **People give each other uncertain looks while Whitney rubs his face** ]

 **Pete** : Please take a moment to locate the nearest emergency exits. Because if this plane's on fire, you're gonna wanna get out quick. Jet fuel burns at over a thousand degrees! That's hot, folks.

**[People murmur, looking even more concerned and confused]**

**************************************************************

**Ryan** : Could I have a ginger ale please?

 **Pete** : You've already had two.

 **Ryan** : Yeah, I know. It's like a placebo effect. It's not really working, but it makes you feel better anyway.

 **Pete** : Yeah? So, when's that supposed to kick in?

**************************************************************

  
**Chloe** : Yeah, they transferred me from the second floor.

 **Lana** : Well, I don’t know what it was like in consumer integrations, but let me tell you, I have been working my butt off on this account. But Steve, no, he's just sitting back, waiting for me to fail. So he can swoop in and save the day. I swear, it's like he's a rogue and I’m a mage and we're part of the same guild, but secretly, he's at work with the Alliance to undermine us.

 **Chloe** : For the Horde.

 **Lana** : For the Horde. [ **fist-bump** ] You play 'World of Warcraft?'

 **Chloe** : You kidding? Did you get the new expansion pack? Woman, I was up all night. Now, look, I mean 'Burning Crusade' was great, but this new one is mind-blowing.

 **Lex** : Chloe... you bailed on the job because you were up all night playing a game?

**************************************************************

  
**Pete** : That's Saint Nicholas?

 **Chloe** : Yes.

 **Pete** : Santa Claus has a church?

 **Whitney** : [ **irritated** ] It's not Santa Claus!

[ **Later** ]

 **Lex** : Chloe, can you make the statue cry without melting Saint Nick's head?

 **Pete** : Don't melt Santa.

 **Whitney and Chloe** : It's not Santa!!

**************************************************************

'[ **As a gang member is holding a gun on Whitney** ]

 **Whitney** : You seeing this, Chloe?

 **Chloe** : Yeah, uh, the situation has my attention, yes.

 **Whitney** : You see, this is why I don't like guns. They have a specific range of efficacy. You see, most guys will make one mistake. They get too close.

[ **Knocks down the gunman and takes the gun, unloading it** ]

**************************************************************

  
**Lex** : We need a horse that can run like a champion.

 **Chloe** : What about that horse from the other day? Uh, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

 **Whitney** : Kentucky Thunder.

 **Chloe** : That's what I said.

 **Lex** : Oh, we steal an actual championship racehorse in order to fake another championship racehorse.

 **Chloe** : Yeah.

 **Lex** : Ooh, I like it.

**************************************************************

**Dominic** : You know, I couldn't believe it at first.

 **Lex** : Dominic, welcome.

 **Dominic** : Then again, you did drink yourself right out of a job. Lost your house, your brother, plenty of money troubles.

 **Lex** : Keep talking. You'll get to the point eventually.

 **Dominic Santori** : Alexander Luthor is a common criminal.

 **Lex** : Oh, _common_. That’s just hurtful.

**************************************************************

**Pete** : [ **Crawling through an air duct** ] Looks like Pete's gonna have to crawl through the air duct again. God forbid anyone else would have to learn how to frickin' crawl on their stomach through a tiny space. It's not rocket science, people.

 **Whitney** : [ **on comms, from the truck** ] Pete, you realize that we can still hear you?

[ **Pete sighs exasperatedly** ]

**************************************************************

**Pete** : Look, it's terrible, what happened to your brother. No one's denying that. Suffering doesn't automatically make you a hero.

 **Lex** : I never claimed to be.

 **Pete** : You just think you're above the law.

 **Lex** : Oh, no. I like think of it as I pick up where the law leaves off.

 **Pete** : [ **Scoffs** ] I'm not gonna be so nice next time.

 **Lex** : Mm. Neither will I.

**************************************************************

  
**Eric Summers** : No, no cops. If they find out we contacted the police, they'll kill her.

 **Clark** : They're not cops, I promise you. They're friends of mine, you can trust them.

 **Eric** : Why should I trust you? I don't know who you are.

 **Clark** : I'm a thief.

 **Eric** : Okay…I'm not sure what to do with that.

**************************************************************

**Lex** : Pete, have you ever robbed a bank that's being robbed?

 **Pete** : [ **smiling gleefully** ] There's a first time for everything.

**************************************************************

  
**Clark** : This, this, this is my world! Okay, you need, you need someone to, I dunno, crawl through an air duct, you call Pete. Bash a head in? Whitney. Internet porn? Chloe! You need someone to take over a movie, then...

 **Lex** : I ask an actor. Right. Um. Clark. About the acting…

 **Clark** : Oh, yeah? What? What is it?

 **Lex** : [ **looks around uncomfortably** ] You're right. You're right. You, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna go with your scene.

**************************************************************

**Whitney** : He[Clark] can't act!

 **Lex** : Oh, he can act. When it's an act.

**************************************************************

**Chloe** : You know you could have gotten killed. Did you even have an exit strategy?

 **Pete** : [ **Apologetically** ] I didn't really think that far ahead.

 **Chloe** : You don't work alone anymore, you know that?

 **Pete** : I know.

 **Chloe** : We're a team.

 **Pete** : We're a little more than a team.

[ **Pete walks away and Chloe smiles** ]

**************************************************************

  
**Chloe** : Don't get mad, but…I may have spilled slushie in your car.

 **Whitney** : That's like forty-four ounces, Chloe!

 **Chloe** : It's not that much...

 **Whitney** : The lid is floating in the damn floorboard, man!

 **Chloe** : Wow. You are…

 **Whitney** : It's running into the backseat!

 **Chloe** : Very dramatic.

 **Whitney** : When we get back to the office, you're cleaning this up.

 **Chloe** : Seriously? [ **Spots Tina leaving the bar** ]

 **Whitney** : You're cleaning this up as soon as we get back!

 **Chloe** : That's our girl.

 **Whitney** : I'm not—Don't try to change the subject!

**************************************************************

[ **Chloe gets a gun from gang members during a fight and shoots their car before he and Whitney run away.** ]

 **Whitney** : Nice job, blowing out the engine block.

 **Chloe** : I was aiming for his leg.

[ **Beat** ]

 **Whitney** : Gimme the gun, Chloe!

**************************************************************

[ **Chloe is stuck near a bomb that is about to explode.** ]

 **Chloe** : It's, uh, a computer bomb, I—I know computers. Computer bomb, um…we, we gotta—we gotta reboot the system! Yeah.

 **Whitney** : You want me to kick it?

 **Chloe** : God, I'm goin' to die.

**************************************************************

  
**Clark** : [ **Over the phone** ] How did you break him [Jeremy]?

 **Lex** : Ah, well, um…

[ **Music playing in the background as Jeremy is eating a taco]**

 **Clark** : You took him out for tacos? Lex, you're enabling him.

 **Chloe** : Whoa, whoa! I haven't slept in three days! I had a showdown with two different gangs, who now by the way know my face, I sat on a bomb, and all of this could have been avoided had you gave the man a taco?

**************************************************************

  
[ **Lex is pointing a gun at Nixon** ]

 **Roger Nixon** : Are you here to kill me, Lex?

 **Lex** : Not tonight.

 **Nixon** : Well, in that case, come in. There's shrimp. [ **walks away** ]

 **Lex** : I do love shrimp. [ **tosses gun away** ]

**************************************************************

  
**Chloe** : No, no, Lex. We haven't done any prep, we don't have our tools.

 **Pete** : You want me to break into a secure storage facility with whatever I can scrounge up the buffet table?

 **Lex** : Pretty much. Yep.

 **Pete** : [ **Smiling** ] Cool.

**************************************************************

  
**[Chloe leaves a video message on the monitors for Dominic and his goons when they break into the Leverage offices]**

**Chloe** : Hey, Dom! Get out of our house!

[ **the screens switch to a countdown timer for a bomb]**

**[After they run out of the building]**

**Victoria** : Maybe he was bluffing.

[ **Building explodes** ]

 **Dominic** : That's a funny thing about con men. They don't bluff.

**************************************************************

  
**Lana** : You can't just make somebody do what you want them to do.

 **Whitney** : Whoa.

[ **Everybody chuckles** ]

 **Chloe** : That's what we do. I mean…

 **Pete** : [ **pets Lana's head** ] You're adorable.

**************************************************************

[ **As they begin to pull a con on Lionel** ]

 **Clark** : [ **To Lana** ] Okay, why don't you run up to him. Be just a little bit out of breath. It changes the speech rhythms, makes it harder to detect a lie.

 **Chloe** : You see? Like that right there. It's informative.

 **Whitney** : You learn, and you con.

**************************************************************

  
**Dominic** : Gotcha, Lex.

 **Lex** : Yes, that was the whole point.

 **Security** : Power's back up in about 15 seconds.

 **Dominic** : What do you mean?

 **Lex** : You know, all that chasing me around. 'Don't let Lex Luthor near the two Davids.' 'How is Lex Luthor gonna get the two Davids?' I wasn't the mastermind on this one, Dominic. I'm the bait.


	4. Source: The Andy Griffith Show

###  Clark

  * "Call the man!" - Clark, after the freezer went out at home and Martha needed a place to keep her meat.


  * "You beat everything Chloe, you know that?"


  * "But don't the trees sound nice and full?" Clark refers to the birds Lex has just let go.


  * "You look good enough to take to Chinatown!" (referring to Martha)



  * "Well, you and Mom is havin' fried chicken. And, I'm having crow..." [in answer to Lex's questions what's for dinner after Clark realized he was terribly in the wrong about something he thought Lex did].



###  Chloe

  * Here at THE ROCK, we have two basic rules. The first rule is: _OBEY ALL RULES._ Secondly: Do not write on the walls, as takes a lot of work...to erase writing...OFF of walls. Now as we tell all men when these doors shut behind them, you are starting a new life. If you are wise, you'll begin rehabilitation.


  * Jaywalking is rampant!


  * Of course, you smell gas. What do you think this car runs on, coal?


  * Nip it! Nip it in the bud!



###  Pete

  * "Citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!, citizen's arr-ay-est!" -- Said by Pete to Chloe


  * "You're a boob, Pete!" -- Chloe


  * "Sha-zay-um!" 


  * "Go-o-lly!" 


  * "Judy Judy Judy" -- Pete does his "Cary Grant" impression.



###  Other/Unsorted

  * **Chloe** : _[speaking of how his mouth feels]_ Shooby, shooby, shooby.


  * "Where's my plaque? Give me my plaque." -- Clark describing how Chloe is going to arrive at the mayor's office to receive an award.
  * "Well, now, maybe I didn't see that there line because I wasn't wearing my specs. Drunk or sober, I can't tell much without my glasses!"
  * **Lex** (referring to Lionel) -- "We thought about killin' him... didn't want to go that far."


  * **Lana Lang:** To think I voted for you last election; never even considered nobody else! BAD, BAD SHERIFF! (upon her frustration of Lex refusing to help her get her pills)


  * **Lana Lang:** NAUGHTY DEPUTY! (after Lex drops Clark's charges of arresting her for jaywalking)


  * **Chloe** : [singing childlike to Lionel who, out of pride, voluntarily put himself in the other cell] "Lionel's in Jail! Lionel's in Jail!"




End file.
